forgive me for my latest obsession of using many colours with my post.
STARTING NOTE (important): no offence to anybody at all. post is just about what i think people might think about the issue. LONG POST of my inner thoughts!
after reading thru my previous post, ok la, they do sound like i'm trying to attract attention.
but hey, everytime i don't talk, people say i'm too quiet. say i don't reveal much of my inner thoughts and feelings. AND i'm not open enough to tell people my troubles. (which is true)
now, because it's hard for me sometimes to say stuff out or i missed the opportunity to say something, i decided that i can reveal some of the not so confidential inner turmoils and TINY worries that were bothering me a bit on my blog.
but then again, these TINY problems and worries on my mind seems to shout "GIVE ME ATTENTION!" once i posted them out.
so, should i just cease updating my blogs with my inner thoughts and opinions?
I GUESS NOT!
because this is my blog. and i named it the blog of WEIRDS QUEEN because i'm prepared mentally to post out such content that screams "I WANT YOUR ATTENTION".
what's more, this is my personal blog. if you're not comfortable with some of my post, you can just STOP READING! i did not point a gun on your head and threaten you to read them.
but if you're here to know more about me, to understand me better, to know what's going through in this head of mine when normally i'm so quiet and sweet~
FEEL FREE TO READ ON!
because, i'm not exactly as nice as you imagine me to be.
because, i may not be as good temper as i portrayed myself to be. (and succeeded in making you believe so)
and because, i am certainly not as friendly and kind and FORGIVING as people thought i always was.
remember! don't judge a book by it's cover~
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back to the "attention-getting" issue.
actually i don't think that it's wrong to ask people to pay more attention to you. especially when there are times you feel troubled and sad and depressed and so on.
those are the times anyone really needs someone to be with them. even just a simple word or sentence can be comforting to hear. and certainly, just this simple tag on the board by "shukie: you've been missed and dont you ever dare to think that you are replacable! *hugs*" made my day!
awwwwww, i missed getting together and going crazy with shukwai so much already. times where all troubles and paranoid worries all threw far far away to the back of my minds.
(and i'll forgive the people who read that post and ignored it by not posting because 1) you may be a stranger to me. 2) you are not close to me at all in any possible ways. 3) you want to hide the fact that you read my blog. 4) i misjudged you as someone whom i trusted to give me a comforting response.)
if no attention were given at those times, perhaps there may be another news for the straits time... "GIRL POSTED WILL ON BLOG" might become the headlines eventually.
hahas, imagine that. alright, digressed =.= really dont understand why do people who read my post HATED tagging. is it really that difficult to TYPE?
here, lets analyze "ATTENTION GETTING" using MASLOW'S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS which every business students surely know by heart. commonly used in marketing, but it can be applied to almost every thing under the sun. i guess.
(click on image for larger view)
1st and 2nd level: physical and security needs
almost everyone in Singapore should be able to fulfill this two basic needs. all you need is oxygen, food, water, medical accessibility, and shelter.
as long as you have a job (and i dont consider begging a job) these are needs that can be fulfill with MONEY $$$$$.
3rd level: SOCIAL needs
(highlights of the day)
friends, love, sense of belongingness...
this is the level people THINKS they had, but in actual, it's HARD to know...
friends eventually will move on one day and leave you behind... perhaps due to studies, and especially work.
loved ones suddenly betrayed you, or WORST, leave you alone in this world all of a sudden.
and further down the pits of depression, you realized that THERE ARE NO ONE DEPENDABLE LEFT FOR YOU TO POUR OUT SURPRESSED FEELINGS TO!
yes, its hard to believe these may happen. but there's no guarantee these may not happen either. people like me, with low self-security, would constantly think about these many "WHAT IF'S". thinking about the "back door" escape routes to save ourselves from dropping down into the endless swarm of suicidal thoughts...
as a result, there are times where i had one foot in the hole and i just had to EXPLODE and POUR OUT these worries somewhere.
as some of you may already know, i am not that open to telling people my CURRENT worries and troubles. since i'm afraid people might change their views of me, be surprised and fear my darkest thoughts, and reject me as a human that existed even.
i'm not saying i don't trust all of you enough to pour out my fears and questions, but i'm just not those type that
will INITIATE a heart-to-heart talk with people who i am close to, people who i love, who i cherish, who i trust with my whole life.
not even to my own parents even.
mostly due to the fear of REJECTION and possible BETRAYAL
(excluding outburst of anger/sadness)
sure, i know people will not sense problems if i continue smiling (fake or not fake) throughtout the day and keep my mouth shut tight. and i'm kind of 卑鄙 to wait for people (to be the bad guy) to come to me and force out those tears.
but, i think that's how i wished i had someone who can read my thoughts, or even just notice something's wrong with me with just a simple gesture or facial twitch from me. my prince charming, knight in shining armour, loving friend for life, someone i will believe even if she said: "you wont die even if i throw you out of the plane in midair right now."
unfortunately, someone like this (guy/girl) will never appear in my whole life. (i'm excluding God and Jesus from this sentence fyi)
level 4 & 5: esteem needs & self-achievement
since i'm not really at the 3rd level yet, this 2 are areas that i had not really explored.
but i cannot deny that i don't look for RECOGNITION and PRAISES (prestige) that comes with some of my minor ACHIEVEMENTS. also, i seek ways to IMPROVE myself both internally and externally (right now).
in fact. i NEED them. though maslow's theory somehow states that: "one can only move up the next level when the previous one was reached (prioritizing of needs)"
i believe... in a human's life, one's needs cannot be classified and draw lines between them so clearly. so, it's okay to think that all needs can be worked on and achieved concurrently!
the weirdest queen
@ 11:16:00 PM
